raving – Helene Smits

No deadlines just do what makes you spark

september 9, 2024oktober 15, 2024admin

I’m writing this blog in a nostalgic mood. This year I decided to live by the concept “Only do what makes you happy”! So here I’m in my mid-thirties sounding like some much older. When I was a student I loved the hunt for success and the trill of deadlines. But now after a rush up the last ten years it feels like my brain aged twenty years. But isn’t that the whole thing. When we are in the calm and solid waters of our life we start on our inner work.

Look at myself I have a decent job where I’m not even allowed to rush! Yes this sound against all logics of a creative person. But two years ago I started to work in healthcare where I do creative activities with special needs people. So I do only fun things the whole day I make art, music, go on walk. That’s a 180 life change after years of working with tight deadlines and later my own company which gave a lot of stress (specially during corona years). So after a year to settle in the changes I found out that I have free time!! Something I felt like I never had that much. So what to do with it?

Well just find out what makes you happy?
For my it was a Mari Kondo like way of letting things go. Because what does give you a spark in life?

I stared to drop things and let go some contacts (sorry) and picked up contact with some old friends. I stared to build this website to sort out my old work, and it made me feel nostalgic. I made me realise that I miss the thrill of making pictures and work with music. So I decided to stay at the opera develop myself as a singer just for fun. Because it makes me happy. Now I have a chance to make pictures again, lets see if it makes me just as happy as the old days. And crochet??…. Well only when I’m in the mood and makes me happy.

What makes you spark?

From alto prinses to goth queen

augustus 13, 2024admin

So still being in my nostalgic mood and overthinking my life I write this blog. On Gothcommunity.eu fb group some started a post of their goth look thru the years. In 2002 I went for the first time to a gothic shop it was in Den Bosch a small store filled with witchy and fantasy stuff with the smell of incense filled the room. The lady in the store wore a big dress with a corset like a dark princess. Mesmerized by the magic in the store I felt in love with this dark but feminine style. But there was I standing a brave insecure 14 year old girl who dressed up more as a tomboy.

Later that year I went to my first fantasy festival an bought my first “gothic” shirt and proudly wore it he next day to school. So there it was from now I was the gothic of the glass. Every penny is start to spent in dark princess like cloths and mixed and matched them. But still deep inside I was still that insecure girl that just looked like a princess of darkness exploring the world.

I started to study multimedia and set up a gothic e-zine with a friend. Going to concerts, festivals and even gothic gala’s. Exploring styles and watch trends. So working with models and having amazing creative artist in frond of my camera I always felt underdressed. I never considered myself create with make up and hair, and yes I learned some tricks true time. But still I felt like a reporter that just went for her goals and for the rest a shy wallflower like a Lady Whistledown.

2024 Helene with Sabine Lutzenberger (Helium Vola / Per-Sonat)

But time has passed got married in steampunk style and just like the goth scene in the Netherlands I disappeared to. Went up in the mass and started a family. But still there was something missing in my life. Did I let to much go in the darkest day’s In my life? Yes there was a time where the beauty of life and the most darkest part where a tin line.
So corona that time when we were almost forced to confront ourselves in where we stand in life. I started to redefine my passions and with all the scrolling on the socials I found old contacts. On the rare moments in 2021 we could travel again we could meet old friends and a small spark lighted my gothic heart. In 2022 I lost my store well I got a job opportunity that changed my life. I could be creative and free again and room for travel and self-development came in my life. More and more I got drawn to the old days where I felt happy and free.

So yes I’m gothic on my own way. Not one with big hair and big eyeliner. But my own elegant me! And now I can even say I’m an elderly goth and don’t care if I’m not the next topmodel. But I love to inspire new generations on my own way to even make the shy wallflower feel seen.

And still I don’t know where my path takes me but even the coolest goth has the brightest spark inside there heart. And mine shines brighter than ever!

So yes I say I’m a gothic queen!!

Nostalgia

mei 4, 2024admin

It was all better in the past!?

Longing to our past is a natural things in 2012 when society was changing. We longed to a time in the past with a period of technical change with social media and streaming like Netflix. And upcoming trend was Steampunk people were looking back at the industrialisation. Now in the 20ties we had our time with corona that shaken society and now I see a reaction to longing to the 80ties. The (dark) wave it the “new goth” and cover bands have more gigs then there existing originals.

For me? During corona I started to long to talking about my old work while my yarn shop had to close for safety. Hanging around on socials finding old contacts and inspirations. Some I left behind years ago. After corona I had to stop de shop and found a new creative job. That give me even more time and rest to drown in the river of nostalgia.

And there we have the fear of nostalgia. The desire to swim against the stream of life is an illusion to swim to safety. In the end it will only exhaust us and we will drown. But still sometimes we need a small swim against the stream to see what direction we need to go.

What I do to prevent drowning? Well now I still sorting all my old archives and finished projects that I should have finished a long time ago. For me I helps to close the tabs in my head but I won’t forget where I come from.

The quotes are:

It was all better in the past!

Wij do we have a desire to another time?

Nostalgia is the denial of the painfull present (- quote from Midnight in Paris)

Nostalgia is a new folk disease.

We desire to the Gulden (- a quote that Wilders uses it a lot to win souls)