Go where the heart tells you

Go where the heart tells you

Sometimes you have to go to a place just because you have to. So we talked at home about visiting Kevelaer (DE). Well I visit Kevelaer a lot but just for some quick shopping like many Dutch people we do not visit the city centre. But this time on the Summer Solstice we went to the Basilica of Kevelaer.

So my personal pilgrim journey brought me to this place. I rarely go to church and if I go it’s just like a tourist and not to pray. But it felt like this was the moment to go not to pray just to see. We arrived the square exactly at 8 when the bells for the morning prayers started with the sun from behind the basilica on my face and the church service near the Maria Chapel on the square started. We listened to the the preach and deiced to go to the basilica. There was no one inside just us and the magic of the moment and it remined me of my family and my past.


Next we decided to go to the Kerzenkapelle (candle chapel) it felt more like me in the present that on my personal pilgrim my light already has awakened. And again no one else was there.

The third we crossed the mercy chapel. When I entered the chapel only I could think of the Benedictus song. Under  the alter there was a little box that cought my eye. With still the Benedictus on repeat in my head. Later I found out that the remains of Canisius where in the box. And my bone transplantation that gave me the confidence to sing was in the Dutch Canisius hospital. But still standing there in the chapel no one else there I sang. Just sang not loud not much but let it go what blocked me.

”Benedictus qui venit in nomine domini”  – Karl Jenkins

Back on the square the service still there. The last words ready to leave just like the visitors of the service left the square.
We walked around the town and got back to the square. Tho the Maria Chapel with doors open to welcome us. Mesmerized by it’s beauty and all the details. I decided to pray and I never pray. But it was a moment that caught me a moment I needed just within me and again there was no one there but us.

Later we walked in nature a place I always feel more home. But still somehow I needed to visit Kevelaer just for me just because it needed to be on my personal pilgrim. Not for religion just for personal reflection. So now time to continue on my path and build new chapters.

With love,
Helene Smits

New chapter so a new tattoo

New chapter so a new tattoo

Yes I almost had to wait a year but now I have my tattoo. A year ago was working on the Armed Man with the Osse Opera and as a daughter of a veteran it was a piece that really touches my heart. But It was also a period where I thought a lot about the Balkans. As we can always do something with our hair I decided to make a custom hairpin of the Vergina Sun. I talked about it with a friend and thought why not as a tattoo because it had a double meaning for me but not on the way it mostly used.

The Vergina sun
Why the Vergina sun, it’s mostly known as a symbol of Macedonia and dates back to Alexander the Great. No I’m not Macedonian but I fell in love of the symbolism behind it. But also It’s for me also a refence to the album Porta Macedonia of Veljanov which become my personal favourite album.  It was realised in a time where I worked as a photographer and remember that we were invited to the album release. That was a few days after my bone transplantation surgery in my jaw. My dad drove me to the cd presentation in Berlin and the next day he had to go the Airport to welcome some colleagues that just came home from the Afghanistan war. A year later my dad had to go to Afghanistan for six months. So that album became a really personal album that helped me in that period.

But the Vergina sun came back on my path while I was working on The armed Man. But the referees to the symbolism behind the sun the 16 ray’s that references wholeness and the centre the rose of love and strength. The sun of the Helios and even my names is French is original is Greek, Hélène (Helena) which means torch or light  that goes back to his origin to the Helios the sun. 

Bianca Stücker
So yes if I go for a tattoo that I was overthinking to oblivion than also overthink the artist. Well I did not had to think long on this. But even I had to wait for almost a year for my turn it was worth the wait and more room to overthink the tattoo itself.
Bianca has a special place in my heart. She is such a great an creative person. I knew her from The Violet Tribe and even had the honour to dance with them a few times as a guest. She has also been one of my dance teachers and  I admire her support for woman in all kind of shapes and styles. She showed me that I can shine on stage and to not be afraid of it. So my choice was easily made to ask her to help me with my personal reminder of dreams.

Tattoo

So the centre of my tattoo is the sun accomplished with a  small moon. The moon which stands for my feminine side and three dots that make it whole are for my tree children. On the other side a star of good luck, or is it a second sun. Because we can argue about the sun and the stars but overlook that the sun is a star.

So this is my personal life in a tattoo on my right arm an everlasting personal reminder: to never give up on dreams again. Yes I once gave them all up. But in my darkest hour someone shows me that the sun would rise again.


What is your reminder not to give up on your dreams?


With love,
Helene

More infomation about Bianca Stücker
https://www.bianca-stuecker.com



From the archive me with The Voilet Tribe. Lats two of ap perfomance I did on Oriental Tea Time.

I’m back in photography

I’m back in photography


Well I guess I can say this is part two of my nostalgic blog (here is part one). After making pictures at  Deine Lakaien in Planetarium Bochum it was now time to go back to concert venue’s again. The lighting will be completely different just like the crowd. So like the old days let’s go in the photopit!

It’s almost strange to  think that it was over a decade that I have been in the photopit. But maybe it was the magic of Bochum still in my head or the nostalgic theme of the Veljanov tour that made that time hasn’t past. There where a lot of trusted faces that also makes it more comfortable to make pictures. Like Marcus Testory was also 2008 when I have had him in front of my camera for a report “a day with Chamber.”


While the concert in Oberhausen felt like just old school with the type of hall and the dancing people. Berlin felt really special to me. Being there thinking of the cd presentation of Porta Macedonia 16 years ago. The interview with Alexander at Summer Darkness festival in Utrecht 15 years. Celebrating 25 years Secrets of the Silver Tongue and this all on the day that 35 years ago the Berlin wall fell.


Berlin was a evening not just being nostalgic but also one of breaking my own walls that I build up. Walls that I build up to hide my grief and lost vision on where the heart takes you. It was like a coming home again. I guess just to pet my ego maybe I felt the “Anton Corbijn” of the evening and Alexander Veljanov is  for me like what’s Bono for Anton Corbijn.  That one person in front of you camera  that somehow works like magic and always let’s you be on your best.

We will see what the future brings.

Photoseries:
Pictures of Oberhausen 2024
Pictures of Berlin 2024

Leave behind what needs to be left behind
Embrace the sun and touch the sky
Sometimes when we think it’s the end
It’s just the beginning

Helene Smits

Veljanov & Die Kammer – Peter Edel Kulturzentrum Berlin (DE) 7-11-2024

Veljanov & Die Kammer – Peter Edel Kulturzentrum Berlin (DE) 7-11-2024

What a great time to be back in Berlin. The first and last time I made concert pictures in Berlin was 2008. It was a 26h visit to Berlin including drive. That was to the cd presentation of Veljanov Porta Macedonia album. So now after to lang ago back to Berlin and nog with was an upgraded trip of 60h or in short words nice weekend away. The atmosphere was great and Die Kammer was a great party again to warm up the venue. The evening was a nice celibration of Veljanov Secrets of the Silver Tongue. This nostalgic tour and specially Berlin really brought me back to 2008.

Veljanov

Die Kammer

Veljanov & Die Kammer – Kulttempel Oberhausen (DE) 7-11-2024

Veljanov & Die Kammer – Kulttempel Oberhausen (DE) 7-11-2024

After 14 years it I have had the honor er make pictures again of a Veljanov concert. And it was the first tour after so manny years. But still it was time hasn’t past and the atmoshpere was great. Die Kammer was also a perfect combination to warm up the venue.

Veljanov

Die Kammer

Deine Lakaien – Zeiss Planetarium Bochum 12-10-2024

Deine Lakaien – Zeiss Planetarium Bochum 12-10-2024

A magical evening in a small outerspace dream setting. The concert was in a small magical setting. One almost impossible to capture on film. But it tried and if you get the chance to go then go. Just to let yourself drift away underneath the stars.


Also thank you to Gerold Smits for helping with the editing.
Pictures copyright Helene Smits