Nederland

So still being in my  nostalgic mood and overthinking my life I write this blog. On Gothcommunity.eu fb group some started a post of their goth look thru the years.  In 2002 I went for the first time to a gothic shop it was in Den Bosch a small store filled with witchy and fantasy stuff with the smell of incense filled the room. The lady in the store wore a big dress with a corset like a dark princess. Mesmerized by the magic in the store I felt in love with this dark but feminine style. But there was I standing a brave insecure 14 year old girl who dressed up more as a tomboy.

Later that year I went to my first fantasy festival an bought my first “gothic” shirt and proudly wore it he next day to school. So there it was from now I  was the gothic of the glass.  Every penny is start to spent in dark princess like cloths and mixed and matched them. But still deep inside I was still that insecure girl that just looked like a princess of darkness exploring the world.

I started to study multimedia and set up a gothic e-zine with a friend. Going to concerts, festivals and even gothic gala’s. Exploring styles and watch trends. So working with models and having amazing creative artist in frond of my camera I always  felt underdressed. I never considered myself create with make up and hair, and yes I learned some tricks true time. But still I felt like a reporter that just went for her goals and for the rest a shy wallflower like a Lady Whistledown.

But time has passed got married in steampunk style and just like the goth scene in the Netherlands I disappeared to. Went up in the mass and started a family. But still there was something missing in my life. Did I let to much go in the darkest day’s In my life? Yes there was a time where the beauty of life and the most darkest part where a tin line.
So corona that time when we were almost forced to confront ourselves in where we stand in life. I started to redefine my passions and with all the scrolling on the socials I found old contacts. On the rare moments  in 2021 we could travel again we could meet old friends and a small spark lighted my  gothic heart. In 2022 I lost my store well I got a job opportunity  that changed my life. I could be creative and free again and room for travel and self-development  came in my life.  More and more I got drawn to the old days  where I felt happy and free.

So yes I’m gothic on my own way. Not one with big hair and big eyeliner. But my own elegant me! And now I can even say I’m an elderly goth and don’t care if I’m not the next topmodel. But I love to inspire new generations on my own way to even make the shy wallflower feel seen.

 And still I don’t know where my path takes me but even the coolest goth has the brightest spark inside there heart. And mine shines brighter than ever!

So yes I say I’m a gothic queen!!